A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning
by NefretForthEmerson
Summary: The letters of Mr. Bates and Anna during the imprisonment.
1. Letter 1

**A/N: This popped into my mind while I was working on chapter 2 of Vera. I hope that you like it. I appreciate all reviews.**

**A/N II: I am not sure how much this meshes with prisons in the day. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned DA, the U.S. would get episodes on the same day that it airs in the U.K.**

He was cold. He was always cold. The cold wasn't just in the air. It was in his skin, his bones. His war wound had become a constant source of pain and he worried that it would never be the same.

He had only been in prison for a month. He had started to think that he would welcome the noose if only to be released from the drudgery of his new life. He reached under his pillow and took out the one thing keeping him amongst the sane. He half smiled at the careful, neat script on the envelope. The letter smelled of flowers and soap, conjuring up sunshine and an innocent but also knowing smile. He was still amazed how completely it could create Anna, his wife. He settled down to read it again for the tenth time that day.

* * *

Dear Mr. Bates,

I am sorry that I have not written sooner. I wasn't sure if you could even receive letters and then I couldn't think of anything to tell. We've always been able to just tell each other what's in our hearts and minds, even under the watchful eye of Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes. I am sure that I will make a muddle of writing to you.

Lord Grantham has been to London twice to visit with Mr. Murray. He won't tell me much about their discussions because it's too early, but I do know that both are thinking that they get the trial moved up to York. I am not sure why this is a good thing, but both have assured me that it would be to your benefit.

I hope that I will be able to see you very soon. Mrs. Hughes told me that I could when things were more settled.

I've been quite busy packing for Lady Mary and Lady Edith. They're getting ready to go over to Dublin for Lady Sybil's wedding to Mr. Branson. Lady Mary seems to have finally resigned herself to the match, and Lady Edith seems genuinely happy for Lady Sybil. I'm to go with them. I am sure that it will be quite the adventure as I've never been on a ship.

It will be nice to get away from Thomas and Miss O'Brien. Their airs have been ridiculous of late. They seem to feel vindicated by your arrest.

We should have a new housemaid soon, taking over from Jane. I am hoping that this girl will last longer and be a more friendly person. These past few weeks have made me wish that Gwen was still at Downton. I could use a late night chat with her.

I am not sure what else to say. I did say that I'd make a muddle of this letter.

With all my love,

Anna Mae Bates

P.S. This is the first time that I could sign my name as your wife.


	2. Letter 2

**A/N: A big thanks to everyone who's reviewed this so far. There will be letters from Mr. Bates coming up in the future. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own DA, more's the pity.**

* * *

Dear Mr. Bates,

Unfortunately, this will have to be a short, quick letter. I have to be up  
quite early tomorrow for the trip to Ireland and I didn't want to leave  
without writing at least a little bit to you.

Lady Mary seems to be both looking forward to the trip and wishing that Lady  
Sybil would just come back to Downton. I know that she's grown tired of Sir  
Richard and wishes that she could break off their engagement. At the very  
least, she'll have a few weeks away from him. Lady Edith mostly seems to be  
sad that Lady Sybil is marrying before her. I think that she wishes that she  
were living in a Jane Austen novel where such things couldn't happen. I am  
hoping to get a few moments to myself, but being in unusual situations tends  
to make Lady Mary a bit peevish.

The other thing to tell is that I will be visiting my parents shortly  
after I return from Ireland. Lord and Lady Grantham have generously given me  
the time to visit. I am going to tell them about our marriage and your  
arrest. It's all written on my face.

Oh John, how I wish that you were here. I just need to hear your voice, your  
laugh. I need to feel your mouth on mine, your hand on my hip.

All my love,

Anna

* * *

He wiped away the tears from his eye before turning away from the wall. The  
prison guard on duty took perverse pleasure in mocking any prisoner who  
showed any form of emotion.

He closed his eyes and imagined Anna in front of him. He kissed and clung  
onto this Anna. He would regret it later when the wounds were still open,  
but for now he reveled in the phantom caresses.


	3. Letter 3

**A/N: Thanks for all of the lovely reviews. I'm half liking this chapter/letter. I like the Dublin part, not the parent visit part.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DA, simple as that!**

It had been a very long, hard day. He had been put onto work detail for two rotations. The work was back-breaking and difficult to perform with his leg. But, he couldn't feel it anymore. He had a new letter from Anna and she had enclosed a lock of her hair. After putting the lock into his pocket, he settled down to read the letter.

* * *

My dear Mr. Bates,

The journey to Ireland was relatively quiet. The worst part was getting Lady Mary and Lady Edith up and dressed in time for the 7 o'clock train. Poor Mrs. Patmore, she had to make breakfast twice and of course Daisy got yelled at more than once. Traveling by ship was interesting, but I didn't like being near so much water, with land so far away.

Lady Mary and Lady Edith did not like having to take a bus from Kingstown to Dublin. I think that they were expecting a car to meet them. I wonder how they can understand some things, but not understand how Mr. Branson doesn't own a car.

After much discussion, it was decided that Lady Mary and Lady Edith would stay in a hotel. I don't know if they would have made it over if they had to stay with Mrs. Branson. I wish that I could say that I saw a lot of Dublin, but Lady Mary and Lady Edith spent almost the entire trip in the hotel. They did go to tea with an acquaintance and I got the afternoon off. I couldn't decide what I wanted to see most so I walked around Dublin and got hopelessly lost. I might still be wandering the streets if I hadn't run into one of Mr. Branson's sisters, Catherine.

I dressed Lady Sybil for the wedding and she looked a picture. I know that some people think that what is between Lady Sybil and Mr. Branson isn't real love, but those people didn't see her then. I think that she was glad to have me there because I was the only married woman there that she knew.

The trip back was as uneventful as the trip there. Lord Grantham seemed quite happy to get his two daughters back as they'd left. I really do think that he sees the attachment between Lady Sybil and Mr. Branson as some sort of infection.

After a few days back at Downton Abbey, I went to visit my parents. It was not the happiest visit that I have ever had. My mother instantly knew that something had happened and her eyes immediately went to my stomach. Unfortunately, my dress had gotten bunched up during the journey and it looked like her suspicions were confirmed. She went on a tear about how I was a silly girl and having lost my job I had jeopardised the family. After a few minutes of her agitations, I was able to tell her that her suspicions were wrong, but I did have something to tell them.

I would rather not go into what she did after I told her about our marriage and subsequent events. I would rather focus on my father. All of my life, he's been a steadying force and he wrote to me for months after I arrived at Downton because he knew that I was homesick. After my mother had gotten tired of yelling, he simply drew me into a hug and asked me to tell him the story. I think that he had long suspected that I had a sweetheart and all he said was that he wished we could've avoided such heartbreak. I look forward to the day that the two of you can meet.

Lord Grantham told me earlier today that Mr. Murray has arranged a visit for next Saturday. I am already counting the minutes until I can see you.

Sending my love,

Anna

P.S. Daisy just walked in and asked what I was doing. I told her and she asked that I send you her regards.


	4. Letter 4

**A/N: I struggled with this letter. I don't think that I've quite gotten into Mr. Bates' mind. Any and all constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!**

**A/N II: The Donne poem mentioned at the end of the letter is "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" and is what gave me the title for this "story" and the idea. I've long adored the poem and think that it fits Anna and Mr. Bates so well.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own DA, but I did ask for it for Christmas.**

* * *

Anna was glad that today was her half day off. She knew that she couldn't be completely be sensible after reading the letter from her husband that had just arrived.

She had only gone into the wooded area on the estate. She liked thinking that a small piece of him could be in the outdoors, in the sun.

She started twisting her wedding band around on her finger as she started to read her letter.

* * *

Dearest Anna,

I cannot find the words to properly describe how much I appreciated your visit this past Saturday. I had received your letter beforehand, but so little in our lives has been certain. It would have been all too easy for something to keep you at Downton. It did not help that the man in charge of new prisoners had taken an active dislike to me. It seems that he feels like I get special treatment. Said special treatment would be that I get your letters.

It is true that you letters have given me more hope than some might think possible. But, how couldn't they? They've given me something to think about that isn't stone or metal. I can hear your soft voice in every word. Your letters let me be haunted by you.

Unfortunately, this letter must be more of a note than the proper letter that you deserve. After your visit, I was reminded of a Donne poem that ends:

_Thy firmness makes my circle just, And makes me end where I begun._

Your loving husband,

John


	5. Letter 5

**A/N: I'm hoping that the continued use of the Donne poem works.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned DA, spoiler tags wouldn't be needed for the next several months.**

* * *

Dearest,

I meant to write to you soon after our visit, but life is still in a bit of disarray here at Downton. Mr. Carson has been serving as Lord Grantham's valet and we are still short a footman. We were supposed to get a new housemaid to replace Jane, but found out that the replacement had died of the Spanish Flu. Mrs. Hughes is nearing desperation about filling the post. I'd say that she's close to having Ethel back, if such a thing were possible.

Daisy nearly visited Mr. Mason on her last half day off, but the sermon on the prior Sunday was about falsehoods. Despite doing the kindest, most loving thing in the world for William, Daisy insists that she did lie and would not add any more by going. This may make me unkind, but I do wish that Daisy wouldn't whinge as much about it. I know that it feels quite important to her, but others have important things that they don't talk of constantly. It also drives Mrs. Patmore to distraction, making her cross.

The family has settled down in London for the season. It's been quite lackluster so far. Lady Mary doesn't participate much because of Sir Richard and Lady Edith has never been popular. There's also been a great deal of whispers about Lady Sybil. The number of men was drastically reduced by the war and the parties are all quite small to avoid infection.

I should be able to visit you in a few weeks. Lady Mary has tired of London and wants to be home. As you can imagine, Miss O'Brien is not looking forward to having to dress Lady Edith in addition to Lady Grantham. I have a special surprise when I visit you next. Don't bother asking me what it is. I won't spoil it.

I've been saving the part that fills me with the most happiness for last, our visit and your letter. I wouldn't be lying if I said that I couldn't recall a single moment of that day except when I was with you. Only a few months ago, I would not have liked being unable to hold your hand, but that day I was just happy to see you and hear you. It's easy to miss the touch of someone, but I hadn't realised until then how much I missed hearing you just say my name.

I looked up that Donne poem after I read your letter. I still remember when you first read it to me and how I felt a queer ache in my bones. While rereading it, I was struck by _Our two souls therefore, which are one, / Though I must go, endure not yet/A breach, but an expansion_ and I felt that same queer ache. Would it be superstitious of me to say that it gave me hope that perhaps this isn't a breach, but an expansion?

All my love and a kiss,

Anna

* * *

He was glad that the one kind guard had been in charge of delivering the post that day. In the past, he had only received the contents of the envelope, not the envelope itself. He happened to know that Anna carried her letters around all morning in her pocket, capturing a bit of her on the envelope. Now because of the kind guard, he had a bit of her.

The scrawl of her pen, the scent of her on an envelope, a lock of her hair. Would he ever again have more than scraps of his wife?


	6. Letter 6

**A/N: Another letter from Anna to her husband! Thanks for all of the reviews.**

**Disclaimer: Despite my dearest wishes, I don't own DA.**

* * *

It had been a long, hard day. The guards in charge of the rota seemed to relish assigning him to the hardest tasks, made even more difficult due to his leg. It was never easy having to stand for so long, but having to break up boulders in addition to that standing made him wish that it had been amputated all those years ago.

He had settled down into the most comfortable position on his cot when a junior guard came around with the post. His heart skipped a beat when he saw her scrawl. Somehow, she always knew when he needed her the most.

* * *

My dear husband,

It's summer. I know that you might not know it, but it is. Because Lady Mary is the only person at Downton, I have been exploring the estate. I've been outside so much that my nose has gotten a little burnt. It's even starting to peel. Daisy has taken to coming out with me and it seems to settle her down some. She's been able to go two whole weeks without getting in Mrs. Patmore's way.

I received a letter from Lady Sybil yesterday. It sounds like she is settling into her new life in Dublin. Despite her original objections, it appears that Tom's mother has taken a liking to her new daughter and they spend a great deal of time with one another. From the sound of it, the nurse's training is helping Lady Sybil settle into life without someone to dress her. I've often thought that Lady Sybil would be the daughter to really leave Downton and all that it means. I can't quite imagine Lady Mary dressing herself or Lady Edith mending her own clothes.

Mr. Crawley wrote to me last week about how your case is going. It seems like they have been able to move your trial up to York. I still don't know why that is an advantage, but Mr. Murray continues to assure me that it does mean something positive. Mr. Crawley also said that I'll be able to visit you in a few weeks. I'm already wishing that the day was here, even though my father always told me to never wish away time.

My dear, dear Mr. Bates, how I wish that you could be here with me right now, in the courtyard, just talking. I know that Miss O'Brien likes to make snide remarks about what she deems our hasty marriage and how we must've done that because of repeated indiscretions. She would likely say that what I most want with you are intimacies. Now, I'm the first to admit that I do long for your mouth on my throat, your hand in the small of my back, but that's not what haunts me. It's the feel of your hand in mine and the knowledge that you know all of me with a glance.

With love and hope,

Your loving wife


	7. Letter 7

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews. I greatly appreciate them.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned DA, no one would ever call Anna a rude word.**

* * *

Dearest husband,

Today has been a most trying day. Mrs. Hughes has been laid up with a cold, leading to a fierce debate between Mrs. Patmore and Miss O'Brien over who was more in charge when Mrs. Hughes was ill. Mr. Carson ended up snapping at them and telling them that if they were going to have a row about it than I was in charge. I tried to ease the situation with a joke, but as you well know, neither them is known for their sense of humour. Mr. Carson has become quite snappish of late. I suspect that it's the burden of having to serve as valet for Lord Grantham and dealing with the continuing lack of footmen. At least Mr. Molesley is able to help out from time to time, now that Mr. Crawley has taken to spending his time with Lavinia's father in London.

You'll never believe it, but Lady Edith has taken to driving the family around when needed. Lord Grantham hasn't been able to find a replacement for Tom. Of course the Dowager Countess tells everyone that it isn't a proper thing to do for the daughter of an earl, but if only the old lady could see Lady Edith. Her face lights up when she gets the chance to drive someone. Much like Lady Sybil, I think that Lady Edith likes being useful, even if it's only to her family.

As you might recall, my birthday is this coming Wednesday and I've been given the day off, as well as the day after. I hope that the weather holds until then. It might sound silly, but I've always felt like the birthdays when it rained were blighted somehow. I still remember when you told me that it was only right that I was born in the summertime.

I've just checked the clock and I'm afraid that I must get to bed or else Miss O'Brien will make snide remarks about how I am shirking my work to moon over you.

Goodnight dearest,

Anna

P.S. While I don't shirk my duties, I do indeed moon over you.

* * *

As he finished the letter, he thought about how much he longed to be at Downton for her birthday. He even had a present for her hidden in the case that he used when he went to London with the family.

The guards were walking along the corridor informing the inmates who had visitors coming in shortly. The one kindly guard stopped in front of his cell. "Bates, you have a visitor."

He was struck dumb. Who could be visiting him? Anna always told him ahead of time and Mr. Murray had only visited once. Perhaps Lord Grantham had come to see him. The guard repeated his name. He slowly stood up, cursing the cold that caused his leg to throb.

* * *

As the visitors were led into the room, he closed his eyes. He wanted to hold onto the hope that it was something good.

"Mr. Bates."

His eyes flew open at the sound of her soft voice turning his prosaic name into something more. He longed to touch her, to make sure that she was real.

"Yes, Mr. Bates, I'm here. I couldn't spend my birthday anywhere else," she said with a soft smile.


	8. Letter 8

**A/N: I fully intended this to be a much different letter, but it just came out this way. **

**Disclaimer: According to ITV, they won't let me own DA or see the rest of series 3 right now.**

* * *

Sweet Anna,

It's been a long, long day. They've moved me from hard physical labour to sewing bits of canvas together. Most of the other men are hopeless at it, but at least I can hold my own. It's dull, dreary work, but at least it hurts my leg far less. Perhaps the best and worst part is that my mind can wander while I work.

I've had two visitors wince I saw you on your birthday. Mr. Murray and Mr. Crawley came up to discuss where things are with my trial. There didn't appear to be much news. I think that Mr. Murray only came so that my thoughts wouldn't jump to the worst possible place. My other visitor was a surprise, even more so that your last visit. When Mrs. Hughes walked in, I was sure that I'd been knocked senseless. It was nice to talk to someone who was tied to you. She said that she'd never seen anyone as happy as you were when you found your birthday gift. I thought that you'd rather like having your own copy of Shakespeare's sonnets.

Anna, when night comes and I feel like I am all alone in this world, my thoughts drive me nearly mad. I have thought so much about Vera. Once upon a time, I could have told you why I had married her without sounding like a fool. I've thought about that box of rat poison every night. Why didn't I listen to you and tell someone about it? I've thought about what would have happened if I had just let her tell the story of Lady Mary. Would anyone really have cared about it? Could I have looked Robert in the eye ever again?

I have even imagined your life if I had never come to Downton. You would have shed fewer tears and been so much happier if you'd never known me. You might even have married Mr. Molesley and had a family by now. Am I a terrible man for saying how glad I am that you never lived that life?

Rather than infect you with any more of my melancholy, I will end this letter.

Love,

John

* * *

She could hear the sound of rain on the roof of Downton. She had held off on reading the letter until she was in bed and now she knew that her own thoughts would be filled with all of his worries.

As she stared at the ceiling, the wind picked up outside, sounding as if it were erasing the world.


	9. Letter 9

**A/N: Another letter from the imprisonment! Thanks for the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: For once, I am happy to let JF own DA.**

* * *

It had been a long, hard day. The guard who seemed most against him, Durrant, had made sure to put him on the hard physical labour rota. His leg was positively throbbing and he might've let out a gasp when the pain was too much. He might have if not for his new cellmate, Craig.

Craig had taken against him for some unknown reason. Craig always had a snide remark at the ready and when the day's post had arrived, it had taken all of his willpower not to unleash a tongue lashing.

He smiled at the delicate, careful script of his wife's hand. He was sure that he would have known that writing anywhere.

* * *

My dear Mr. Bates,

I am so glad that I got to visit you on my birthday. It might seem silly, but I have gotten to the point where spending a quiet hour with you was what made my birthday special.

I am so glad that Mrs. Hughes went to visit you. She had wanted to for while, but she wasn't sure if you would welcome a visit from her. She has been so kind over the past few months. If I seem slow, distracted, or more quiet than usual, she'll let me go and collect my thoughts. Honestly, I am not sure what I would've done without her or Lady Mary.

Sir Richard has been up to Downton again. With each new visit, Lady Mary seems more and more tired of him. It is so unfair that a woman like her should be tied to a man like that. I know that he holds the truth over her head as a ransom. Our attempt didn't even work in the end.

I've been reading your present to me every night before I go to bed. I'm so pleased that you remembered how well I loved them. Last night, I read Sonnet 116 and it reminded me of all that I feel for you. Our love is that ever-fixed mark and nothing has shaken it. Nothing will shake it.

Now my dear husband, I will let you in on a little secret of mine. If you had never come to Downton, I probably would have married Mr. Molesley or some other eligible man. I would have left service and borne his children. But, I would have felt only a tenth of what I have felt with you. Your voice, so proper and yet so capable of naughty suggestion, never fails to make my stomach plummet. Your touch, your touch, never fails to make me feel as if I will burst into flames. So that's my secret, I'd rather have my life as it is now than whatever my life would have been without you in it.

All of my love,

Anna


	10. Letter 10

**A/N: Sorry for the break. You'd think that the events at the end of series 3 would've given me a burst of creativity, but it didn't. Thanks for the reviews.**

**Disclaimer: O'Brien said that I had a chance at owning DA. Should I believe her?**

* * *

Dearest,

I'm sitting in the servant's hall writing this letter. Everyone has gone to bed and the only sounds to be heard are the flicker of the fire and the scratch of my pen. As you well know, I love sitting here, long into the night, and allowing my mind to wander and dream. I haven't allowed myself the opportunity very often over the past few months, but I needed to dream tonight. I accompanied Lady Mary to Ripon this afternoon. She was being fitted for a new dress and on our way back to the house, we drove past some of the cottages. I doubt that she even noticed them, but all I could think of was how we should be in one. I believe that I have arranged our little home a hundred different ways.

Mrs. Hughes asked me to extend her good wishes to you. She also said that she was planning to visit you on her next day off, but you know how infrequent those are for her. You should have heard her when she visited you last time. She was telling Mrs. Patmore about how thin you looked and how she wished that she could bring you a basket of Downton's best. You always say that I'm quite the mother hen. I must've learned it from her.

Daisy has finally started to visit with Mr. Mason. It took a great deal of talking from Mrs. Patmore and I even talked to her a few times, but she eventually realised that she should go. Mr. Mason is a truly lovely gentleman. He always brings Daisy something from his farm whenever he visits. It's clear that she keeps a little bit of William alive for him.

Unfortunately dear husband, I won't be able to visit on my next day off. I'm going to visit my family and help them prepare for the harvest. I don't always do it, but my father has not been well. I am hoping that I will be able to get everything done for him.

I've just noticed the time my dearest and I must go to bed, or I else I will be a bear to work with tomorrow. Rest assured that I will go to bed and dream of the best man that I know, you.

All my love,

Anna

* * *

He sighed as he finished his wife's letter. It was short. They were always too short for him, but then he knew that she could write 100 pages and still it wouldn't fully satisfy him. He was glad that she was going to her family. He had never met her father, but he felt a wave of emotion for the man.

Craig was stirring on the bunk above him and he knew that Craig would be up momentarily. He stroked the letter for a moment and then placed it under his pillow. He closed his eyes and let his mind drift to his wife.


	11. Letter 11

**A/N: It's been awhile since I've posted a letter. I blame the fact that they were happy and I was loving that too much.**

**Disclaimer: I own nary a thing in this.**

* * *

He was restless. It didn't matter what position he was in. There would be no sleep this night. He reached into the little crevice where he kept his letters and fished out the one that he'd received earlier that day. He hadn't been able to read it yet because Craig kept pestering him.

He knew that most nights that he wouldn't be able to read it, but guard on duty had forgotten to turn off most of the lights. He ran his hand over the paper, smiling at each crossed out word and each blob of ink. She was not the most careful writer in the world.

* * *

My dearest,

It has been raining for about 3 weeks here at Downton. The grounds have become so sodden that stepping off any of the paths means a good hour's worth of work scrapping off dried mud. Mrs. Hughes has had quite a time keeping the house free of mud. I've been hearing the younger housemaids grousing about having to wash the mud away. Of course they never say it in her hearing because while she's a kind women, she will brook no argument over her skills at running the house. The mud has made dressing Lady Edith and Lady Mary a bit difficult because I have to specially launder so many of their skirts. I'm hoping that the weather will pass soon. If it doesn't, I think that the late autumn fair won't come.

Mr. Crawley has started to visit the house more frequently. After the death of Miss Swire, he almost never came, even when his mother came to dinner. I used to think that it was because he could not bear to be where she had died, but I am beginning to think that there is more to it than bad memories. He's always careful to avoid being seated near Lady Mary, preferring to sit near the Old Lady or Lady Grantham. Maybe he still loves Lady Mary. If he does, I wish that he would just say something. Sir Richard continues to treat her more and more like a piece of property and not a person. She would be far better off without him, but I doubt that she'll ever break that attachment.

I had a chance encounter with Gwen on the way back from visiting my parents during the harvest. We had a cider and had a chance to catch up. She sends her good wishes to you. She's done very well for herself in her secretarial position. She actually supervises a couple of the newer secretaries and I am sure that she runs a tight ship. She keeps a flat with another secretary, a widow who lost both of her sons in the war. Of course it's only a temporary arrangement because Gwen is getting married in the spring. I hope that I'll be able to go and see her on her happy day. I should write to Lady Sybil with the news.

I can hear the wind and rain, even though I'm down in the servants' hall. It's night like this when my mind tends to paint the pretty domestic picture of the two of us in front of a fire. You're always reading aloud some poet that I seem to have never heard of. I'm mending a shirt or an apron. Sometimes there's a little boy trying desperately to keep awake on the rug before us. Even when I wake from my reverie, I don't feel any sadness. You're an innocent man and we will have that placid evening. Some not-so-placid evenings as well, I hope.

With lots of hope,

Your Anna


End file.
